Emotional injuries in children and adolescents: how to prevent them?

Every child deserves a parent who sees, understands and accepts them as they are!

How do we recognise inappropriate behaviour in teenagers?

Many parents think that if they have a good relationship with their child, they will immediately notice any problems. The reality is more complex. Teenagers are in the midst of a hormonal and emotional transformation and, in many cases, they are able to hide their feelings precisely because they know their parents so well.

If an adolescent knows that certain parental reactions may lead to panic or punishment, he or she will choose to keep quiet about what he or she is feeling. For this reason, parents need to be attentive to subtle signals, cultivate open communication from early childhood and create a safe environment for expressing emotions.

Why do some children become emotionally alienated from their parents?

Parent-child communication is formed from the earliest years of life. The way we react to our young child's needs and emotions significantly influences the long-term relationship.

Let's take a simple example: a child is crying because he wants a particular toy or a particular coat, and the parent reacts with an authoritarian order - "Shut up! You're not allowed and that's that". What does the child learn from this interaction? That his emotions don't matter and that the parent is not someone he can turn to for emotional support. Repeated over the years, this dynamic can lead to a major emotional distancing that becomes visible in adolescence.

Relevant studies:

Research in developmental psychology (John Bowlby - attachment theory) shows that a secure attachment, formed in childhood, is essential for adolescent emotional health.

Children who don't feel understood or respected in childhood may have difficulty expressing their emotions later in life, which can lead to risk-taking behaviour.

When the entourage becomes more important than the parent.

One of the most common effects of a lack of empathy in childhood is that, in adolescence, children come to trust their friends more than their parents. When a child doesn't feel listened to, respected and understood at home, they will seek validation elsewhere. Thus the entourage becomes the main source of influence and the parent gradually loses authority and emotional connection with the adolescent.

If his friends are a healthy group that promotes positive values, this can be beneficial. But if the teenager gets into a problematic entourage that encourages risk-taking behaviour (alcohol, drugs, truancy, aggression), things can get dangerous.

How do we prevent this?

✅  Building trust from early childhood, so that the child sees parents as a real support.

✅  Creating a family environment where they feel accepted, without fear of punishment or ridicule.

✅  Keeping an open dialogue about his choices, not judging him, but offering guidance.

✅  Getting to know your child's friends - not by questioning, but by being actively involved in their lives.

Signs that your teen is suffering in silence

Even if a teen doesn't talk openly about their problems, parents may notice some warning signs, such as:

✅  Social isolation - Spends a lot of time alone, avoids interactions with family and friends. This behaviour can be a sign of anxiety, depression or emotional difficulties. If the teen won't leave the room, refuses to participate in family activities and stops socialising, it's important to investigate the cause.

✅  Spending too much time with the entourage - If the teen spends most of his or her time with friends and avoids interaction with family, it may be a sign that he or she no longer feels understood at home. This can either be a normal step towards independence or an attempt to run away from unresolved family issues.

✅  Sudden changes in behaviour - becoming irritable, angry or withdrawn for no apparent reason.

✅  Lower school performance - Lack of interest in learning, poorer results at school.

✅  Changes in daily routine - sleep disturbances, changes in diet, lack of energy.

✅  Increased interest in topics related to sadness, depression or even suicide - This should be treated with utmost seriousness.

If you notice these signs, don't ignore them! Be a support, not a judge.

How do we build a trusting relationship with our child?

✅  Respect him from a young age - It's not enough to ask for respect, you have to give it. A child who is treated with respect will realise that the relationship with their parent is one of trust, not fear.

✅  Actively listen - Instead of dismissing an issue as "unimportant" or "a phase", listen to what they have to say. Sometimes an issue that seems trivial to you is extremely important to your child.

✅  Empathise - Put yourself in their shoes: If you were a teenager, how would you need to be talked to?

✅  Avoid unnecessary bans - Children who hear too many 'NOs' without explanation can become either very rebellious or very fearful. Explain the reasons behind the rules.

✅  Be present in their lives - Teenagers may seem like they don't need parents, but in reality they need stability and security.

Conclusion

Emotional accidents in children and adolescents do not happen overnight - they are the result of a long process that starts in childhood. The parent-child relationship is built over time, with respect, empathy and communication.

A teenager who lacked understanding and support as a child will seek emotional security in his or her neighbourhood. If the parent fails to be the first point of support, friends will take over - and that can be either a good thing or a big problem.

If we want well-balanced and happy teenagers, we need to be present, attentive and willing to really listen.