How do we set healthy limits for children?

I often hear the question, "How do we set healthy limits for children?" Actually, maybe we should be asking something else: "How do we teach them to make good choices?" Education isn't just about telling them what they can't do, it's about showing them what they can do.

The most pointless question: "Why did you do that?"

When a child makes a mistake - let's say they tear or dirty a book - the parent instinctively reacts: "Why did you do that?" But let's be honest: do you really think he will know how to answer?

Maybe the right question would be for us, not him:
✅  Did I ever teach him what a book is?
✅  I explained to him what it's for, why it's valuable?
✅  Have I shown her how to respect it?

If the answer is no, then the child didn't "get it wrong" - they just didn't know.

So how can we be angry with him? Wouldn't it have been better to explain it to him before he got into this situation?

Limits or training?

Many parents think they have to be "firm", but sometimes that translates into rules imposed without explanation. The problem? The child doesn't understand why, they just know that they "can't".

And that's how we end up with lines like: "I'm not doing this because Mum won't let me". But in his heart, the child is left with a void. Because he needs to know why. Not because he has to, but because it makes sense to him.

Education is not done by dry rules, but by explanation, by example, by patience. When a child understands why something is right or wrong - he will make the right choice.

Education is not done through prohibitions, but through explanations, patience and examples.